she just verbally punched you in the goodies

its been days since i posted. its been days since i cleaned the house. its been days since i've done anything but sit on the couch and watch tv. hail the holidays!

i was gonna write here about some pro-anorexia blogs i came across but i just feel my views aren't smart enough or rational enough to be expressed to the whole world. that's the consequence of throwing yourself into a relationship where your other half breaks you down. it stays with you for years. i'm glad i'm now in a relationship where i'm good enough and smart enough and pretty enough. he doesn't try to change me, loves me for who i am, appreciates me. it sounds like a bunch of low self-esteem crap and that is what it is. i have been in so many destructive relationships that i'm thankful i'm finally in one where its easy for me to respect the other person. its been almost a year we've been together and it has been possibly the best year of my life. the year i actually felt good about myself. so thank You, God, for letting me find my perfect half. 

emo right? spending almost a week at home and not stepping out of the house will do that to you. in between the One Tree Hill marathons, 3 cycles of ANTM and bitching about ANTM with tater tot, i got in some self-reflection time. so these are my kind-of new year's resolutions even though i don't make resolutions and i know its a little late in the year to make resolutions so these aren't necessarily new year's resolutions but life resolutions (?). i don't think that was understandable. ok:

1. i am focused and ready to kick uni ass. i'm finally gonna get my degree and not delaying it anymore. ironically, the fire under my butt has been my boyfriend's presence. my parents think boys distract me from work but this boy makes me want to finish my degree and ride off into the sunset with him. on a giant panda. like reeeally giant panda. and i'm in my graduation gown.
2. be a better friend. i know i haven't been the best friend i could have been. i stayed at home picking at my toenails when i should've called my friends and gone out for coffee with them. i haven't connected with my friends in a long time and i regret it. i miss them a lot. 
3. and finally, the ever present resolution on every girl's list: lose weight. i have put on so much weight in the past year, something that happens when i'm happy and in love, that my relatives are speechless when they see me. my face has become all bloated, my chin is disappearing and about 40 people have asked me if i'm pregnant. no, i'm not but if i was, you're not invited to my baby shower. *sniff*  i need to lose it, lose it, i need to...lose it! *dances King Julian style*

resolution number 3 is really the hardest for me to do. i can't stop eating cause its so cold here and i can think of 2.8 million excuses for why i shouldn't work out. the number 1 excuse is that exercise is evil and therefore my boyfriend works for Satan.